Tuesday, September 16, 2008

life

How should I describe the situation?

I'm not depressed, not happy, just f*****g ignorant. I just don't care anymore. Don't care about anything. Not myself, not others. I'd like to, but I just can't - don't have the energy. Every day I get about ten times the amount of information I can process and I can't handle that. As I involuntarily try and be helpful to everybody I meet and listen to all their concerns, problems, success-stories etc I drain myself of all the energy I have left. It doesn't help that I eat once a day and that meal is mediocre at best. And I try and work out every day. And I smoke. And I don't care about my health (done that for at least ten years now). I did try caring about something recently, but that led to a dead end. As Dylan Moran would put it - genetically speaking I am an evolutionary cul-de-sac. And for reasons known only to some weird inner-me, I am happy with that. (not happy in general, just happy about that particular fact).

It all just seems so very depressing, but it isn't.

The weird part is, I am not tired - I sleep almost 10 hours each day - about 2 or 3 times more than usual. I was planning on making this a funny post, but as usual when I try to be funny, I fail miserably. I'm funny only when I tell the truth, when I state a widely-known fact - then everybody for some reason find me hilarious. I can't even make statements about my own life - people would die of laughter. But the truth is, that we wither and wine and we fade away.

I'll fade away today with that last statement - life is not that complicated - you wake up, go to work, eat three meals, take one good shit and go back to bed.

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