I don't know no more. Human behavior is one of the most complex of structures. And apparently I have learned nothing in the past 20 years - I mean nothing. Am I just daft? Probably. Have I been living in a dream world? Obviously. Have I been imagining things? Turns out that I have. When it is said humans use less than 10% of the brain capacity/potential, I am just now starting to realize, that it is true. And because I am a man - I use probably about 2% of my brain's 10% average and that other 98% of that 10% I think with my other brain. . . We all know that men have two brains.
Still, it is not all that bad - since I now believe I understand a bit more about life, I am able to tell with 100% certainty that celibacy is my calling. It's a win-win-win-win situation: No more hurt people because of "sex" with me; no more inferiority complex; no more worrying about getting an STD (or giving it to someone); and last but not least - no more fear that I might conceive a child . . . my child . . . I finally can be sure that there will be no more mistakes by nature, like me. (I can't rely on the chance that my wife's genes are dominating . . . I could not imagine a worst thing than a "mini-me" . . now, finally, I can be certain of that)
I should feel free and light, but there's a weird, unknown pressure is haunting me somewhere deep inside me. . .
Still waiting, still watching out the window
Sitting still, lost in thoughts
The thoughts I try and disallow
Still haunt me where ever I am
Where ever I go, to get rid of them
I don't know how.
The midnight sky, lost to the world
Gives me consolation in this world
Illuminated, even in the dark, everywhere
But deep inside my soul, darkness there
Lies
Lies and deceit and greed and more lies
Have filled my world throughout the years
So I can't even hear my own distant cries
Buried deep within, covered with tears
I kept inside and to myself lied
That it's all well and emotions that need
To be expressed violently and fast, indeed
I kept to myself, blocked them out
Never letting anyone see the drought
That's overwhelming me - now I see
I hate what I've become
Don't want anyone to know
What lies inside me - no -
It's all rotten filth and numb
To end it now, would be unfair. I need to live - I will live for as long as I can. To try and right the terrible wrongs . . . Also, I need to live long enough to feel the pain I've caused to others. I couldn't live with myself if I stayed still, didn't do anything - didn't even try.
Sorry about the depressing note this post is written in. It's just that - this is the only place I can truly express myself. Let me have my fun.
Still, it is not all that bad - since I now believe I understand a bit more about life, I am able to tell with 100% certainty that celibacy is my calling. It's a win-win-win-win situation: No more hurt people because of "sex" with me; no more inferiority complex; no more worrying about getting an STD (or giving it to someone); and last but not least - no more fear that I might conceive a child . . . my child . . . I finally can be sure that there will be no more mistakes by nature, like me. (I can't rely on the chance that my wife's genes are dominating . . . I could not imagine a worst thing than a "mini-me" . . now, finally, I can be certain of that)
I should feel free and light, but there's a weird, unknown pressure is haunting me somewhere deep inside me. . .
Still waiting, still watching out the window
Sitting still, lost in thoughts
The thoughts I try and disallow
Still haunt me where ever I am
Where ever I go, to get rid of them
I don't know how.
The midnight sky, lost to the world
Gives me consolation in this world
Illuminated, even in the dark, everywhere
But deep inside my soul, darkness there
Lies
Lies and deceit and greed and more lies
Have filled my world throughout the years
So I can't even hear my own distant cries
Buried deep within, covered with tears
I kept inside and to myself lied
That it's all well and emotions that need
To be expressed violently and fast, indeed
I kept to myself, blocked them out
Never letting anyone see the drought
That's overwhelming me - now I see
I hate what I've become
Don't want anyone to know
What lies inside me - no -
It's all rotten filth and numb
To end it now, would be unfair. I need to live - I will live for as long as I can. To try and right the terrible wrongs . . . Also, I need to live long enough to feel the pain I've caused to others. I couldn't live with myself if I stayed still, didn't do anything - didn't even try.
Sorry about the depressing note this post is written in. It's just that - this is the only place I can truly express myself. Let me have my fun.
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