So, where was I?

Oh, yeah, racism, right.
So, as I gather, many famous people have made racism look like not such a big thing - I can relate to them . . . Racism is not that big, as everyone makes it to be. Many comedians, most of them black, make fun of racism, even though they themselves have once been "persecuted". Now, Chris Rock, one of the funniest persons I know, makes so much fun of black people, that every human with a bit darker skin should be outraged. But who is Chris's audience? Black people . . . Kind of controversial, don't you think?
Now, I really like a song by Bill Bailey, which goes like this:
"Hats off to the zebras"
The horse is a noble beast
From the mustangs of the west to the stallions of the east
But the horse has a distant cousin, it lives I do not know where
But it's message of racial harmony is a one that we all can share

Hats off to the zebras, they are black and white
They don't fight, because they're not very good at it

In a world of confusion we all need a sign
If only we could live side by side like the stripes on the zebra's spine

Hats off to the zebras . . .

The humble badger takes a sip of morning dew
But he's totally colorblind, so he can judge you
But the badger is a dreamer, the badger has a plan
He knows that his destiny is to help his fellow man

Hats off to the badger, he is black and white
He doesn't fight, except for mating rights and territory

Black man and a white man, both they need to shave
United by the badger-brush, he's helping from beyond the grave
From beyond the grave

Hats off to the badger . . .

What about the tapier - half zebra half-pig?
Imagine the stig-ma, but the tapist is proud. . .
Hats off to the tapier, badgers and zebras
Skunks, oh and ring-tailed lemurs
Living together in harmony . . .
And if the killer-whales can do it, why can't we?

Oh, and by the way - Chris Rock, black as night (Estonian proverb) claimed, through humorous prism, of course, that the most racist people are old BLACK men. So, I urge all of you to think about topics first, try and get the basics right before going out and slamming a whole country to the ground. Moreover, I'd like to see more tolerance - I generally don't like people, but I have to admit, that the more different people are from me, the more I like them. Let's try and be tolerant, now shall we?
PS! A little reminder to all of you out there reading (yes, I'm addressing a total of 4 people), please keep in mind - appearances not only can be, but in many cases are very deceiving.

Enough about my life

I just want to share with you (perhaps 3-4 readers) out there my views about racism in Estonia. I recently got awfully furious with an article in an Estonian newspaper Postimees in which a black journalist claimed Estonia is one of the most racist countries there is.
Let me just tell you my own experiences with people from other races - I hate them, literally. But you can't call me a racist, because I hate all people . . . if hate is too strong a word for you, let's say I don't like people (any people, no matter the race). Whenever I've been around people from other races, I always feel much more relaxed and intrigued by them. I don't discriminate others simply because they are a slightly different color than me. If I happen to see a person of a different race than my own, I am naturally intrigued - I don't see them everyday . . . The same applies to tribes in the middle of Africa, who have seen maybe a handful of white people in their lifetime. Of course they treat white people in another manner than their own people.
Another thing I don't understand - we call a white person "white" . . . What's wrong with calling a person, whose skin color is black "black" ??? Ok, never mind that. Let's continue.
Estonia has been under the soviet regime for 50 years and only for 17 years we have been independent . . . Obviously some of us have never even seen a dark-skinned person. And for that reason we naturally treat them with interest and curiosity . . . sometimes the curiosity turns to hatred (very few occasions), sometimes friendship (also very few occasions) and others just ignore them . . . But Estonians ignore everyone . . . And we hate everybody - Some Estonians hate Russians, some hate all foreigners, some hate people of different race and most of all Estonians hate other Estonians . . .

I'll post another later on - gotta go to class at the moment

Sadness fills my soul; My heart gets torn

I don't know no more. Human behavior is one of the most complex of structures. And apparently I have learned nothing in the past 20 years - I mean nothing. Am I just daft? Probably. Have I been living in a dream world? Obviously. Have I been imagining things? Turns out that I have. When it is said humans use less than 10% of the brain capacity/potential, I am just now starting to realize, that it is true. And because I am a man - I use probably about 2% of my brain's 10% average and that other 98% of that 10% I think with my other brain. . . We all know that men have two brains.
Still, it is not all that bad - since I now believe I understand a bit more about life, I am able to tell with 100% certainty that celibacy is my calling. It's a win-win-win-win situation: No more hurt people because of "sex" with me; no more inferiority complex; no more worrying about getting an STD (or giving it to someone); and last but not least - no more fear that I might conceive a child . . . my child . . . I finally can be sure that there will be no more mistakes by nature, like me. (I can't rely on the chance that my wife's genes are dominating . . . I could not imagine a worst thing than a "mini-me" . . now, finally, I can be certain of that)

I should feel free and light, but there's a weird, unknown pressure is haunting me somewhere deep inside me. . .

Still waiting, still watching out the window
Sitting still, lost in thoughts
The thoughts I try and disallow
Still haunt me where ever I am
Where ever I go, to get rid of them
I don't know how.

The midnight sky, lost to the world
Gives me consolation in this world
Illuminated, even in the dark, everywhere
But deep inside my soul, darkness there
Lies

Lies and deceit and greed and more lies
Have filled my world throughout the years
So I can't even hear my own distant cries
Buried deep within, covered with tears
I kept inside and to myself lied
That it's all well and emotions that need
To be expressed violently and fast, indeed
I kept to myself, blocked them out
Never letting anyone see the drought
That's overwhelming me - now I see

I hate what I've become
Don't want anyone to know
What lies inside me - no -
It's all rotten filth and numb

To end it now, would be unfair. I need to live - I will live for as long as I can. To try and right the terrible wrongs . . . Also, I need to live long enough to feel the pain I've caused to others. I couldn't live with myself if I stayed still, didn't do anything - didn't even try.

Sorry about the depressing note this post is written in. It's just that - this is the only place I can truly express myself. Let me have my fun.

It would be funny, if it weren't so goddamn sad

Let me clarify - not the situation is sad, but I am. Some say the situation is not that bad (those might refer to some of the earlier posts). It's starting to get funny now, though. It is said that it is always good if you can make a joke at your own expense. Up to this point it has been difficult even to discuss it . . . let alone joke about it. But I am working my way through - at least I am doing something to alleviate the problem. More on my problem - ask me and I most certainly will not give you an honest answer.

But now - to the subject in hand at the moment. I don't know if it's just me, or does everybody feel that there are too many stupid people in the world? I have seen more polar bears than smart people in my life time. (And never would I consider myself superior to any person, so don't think I'm thinking too much of myself). I went 2000 miles + 100 miles + 150 miles and the same amount of miles back in a single weekend. Guess what I found there? A big bunch of educated people, who were daft as daisies . . . Especially one. What's wrong with them? - I hear you asking. . . Well, here we go . . . Books don't teach you everything - that's the problem with me (I read a lot of books) but their problem I can't define . . . Observing the people from far away they seem to be fine to the bone . . . Inspecting closer, though, we see that they have the same problem everyone has - they're human . . . simply that, yes - Humans are full of mistakes . I personally believe that when humans were created, there was no electricity - so God had to mold us in candlelight . . . hence the faults. . .

Enough. Enough bitching - I'm gonna eat now - another mistake - humans are always hungry .

This is

my shortest post. (make up your own joke here)

What's wrong with the verb at the end of the sentence putting?

It's always the same thing . . . the same people on the same flood-plain, the same people . . . out there paddling around, rescuing a chicken . . .
But that's not the subject today. The subject is much more personal and inconvenient to me. I have tried to live my life so that I'd be not liked by very many. . . It has worked most of the time. Up to this point 7 people have crept up to me so close that they have discovered a bit of my true being. 5 of them have seized interacting with me - and I can't blame them. But it is still the same story with all those 7 - when they find out what I'm really like, they start to convince me that things are not so serious . . . It goes like this: What? No, don't be like that. I'm sure it's OK. No, I don't want you to prove it. . . OK, prove it . . . See - it's not that bad (all the time sneering inside). And finally - OK - that's pretty much the worst I've seen. - that's hot it goes. And it all begins by them telling me that I'm overreacting . . . And it ALWAYS ends by them telling: You'll find the perfect one . . . suitable . . . Does anyone actually believe that bull crap? No. When I plead them to be honest, all have given me the same answer - well, you'll find someone . . . Right, sure, of course I will.

I have always considered myself to be a good girlfriend to all those women. But the facts remain - the statistics are against me, my personal assessment is against me and 100% - 7 out of 7 have been forced to admit and confirm my essential and preliminary idea. They don't like to do that, some of them are very stubborn, but in the end all will see that I've been right all along. :)

I've been waiting on my own, too long
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feelin' like I can't go on.

The thing is . . . I knew all the facts way before any girls/women were involved . . . but I still had to get a second opinion, and then the third, fourth, fifth . . . I'm pushing for 10 out of 10. I will achieve it, I'm sure.

whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you notice life goes on

So, anyways - this post has been nothing but a description of my personal life. Now I do believe that celibacy is still the best idea. . . Even more so now that every girl likes to pity me . . . and offer me to meet a fictive person - because they always say something about me finding a certain somebody (who wouldn't mind) . . . But now I'm just waiting to see when the last two collapse . . .

I may like women, unfortunately I'm not their favorite . . . I'm sick and tired of pity-sex . . . Soon the last remaining 2 will fall away and make sure I'm left wondering what could've been . . .

But still . . . Tired of being WELL below the average . . . everywhere . . . doing whatever . . .
I gotta hand it to the last people remaining . . . They have stuck by me since the start of my "life"

PS! I don't understand what the hell people want from me. . .

In conclusion . . . Why not. . . always be ready. Whatever - OK - And FINE . . .Everybody will be in bliss . . .

Nevermore

Unlike the raven in a poem by Poe
I know
That there's more to life than just
A bust
On a chamber door of the man in
A poem by Poe

We live only once and "the race is long"
(From a song)
And in the end it's only with yourself
(Myself)
Please, value every second you've got
Use them on the spot

Give me strength I need to proceed . . .

Päev pole, öö ei ole . . .

Neither day, nor night I seem to forget
What burns in me, this fire like a jet
Bursting through lonely star-filled sky
And I find myself asking "why"

Why am I even trying to succeed?
I'm destined to fail, I presume.
All this life I somehow mislead
The people I love . . . Only doom . . .

Only doom, destruction and hatred
Send me on my way. . . . Hey,
but it's all good fun, isn't it? Dread -
Always a great source of fun and pun.

See - I can be positive, if only I try
Still my happier side I try and defy
Back at the opening question "why"
Still the answer out of reach, it just
Made me write this fricking poem - wry,
Dull, boring, bitter and full of rust.

The end - maybe still the beginning? I don't know no more. Am I the only fucking one, who's normal anymore? (M in M)

No, I'm not normal, neither of us is. Let's never forget it.