I try and try again and try once more. Somehow I keep failing every single time. After the 10th of November I really do believe I'll never talk to women again in the same sense I'm used to at the moment.
I never really know what am I supposed to do. I see what everyone else is doing, but am I really built so differently that other people's methods don't apply to my life? How can I not incorporate known theories in my own life - somehow they always mis- or backfire?
I've managed to depress and reduce to tears too many people this year. I need to stop. I will . . . eventually. It's already obvious that I despise myself. I hate people who hurt others for apparently no reason at all. Therefore . . .
On a lighter note - It's all going terribly wrong (excerpt from the bloopers of Whose Line Is It Anyway?). I try to think of myself as not a very depressing person, but I still get the feeling that many people see me like that. And now for something completely different - I agree with Chris Rock, who said that it is not possible to love more than one woman at a time. I'd push it further - I can't even like more than one woman at a time. Once again - I've tried and obviously failed.
Oh, shit - this post turned out to be a really depressing one. I promise the next one will contain at least a few jokes. . . Well - in my mind they're still just truthful sentences, but to others they might seem like funny phrases. We'll see.
For now - Flay Otters.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Right track
I know Orkut's fortunes usually never mean anything, but right after I had just published my last post when I noticed my "Today's fortune", which read as follows: Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals." I know that everyone has had the same text on their Orkut home page, but today it has a special meaning to me.
Am I really finally on the right track?
Am I really finally on the right track?
The title
I see now what I've been like and I don't like it. I've hurt too many people by doing all sorts of things. I would like to change but how can I? I've gone too far. I don't see a way out. I'm trying, but my actions seem to backfire every single time.
It doesn't make any sense. When I try and be nice, I am crucified by the same people who I was nice to. A simple "don't act like that" would've been nice. I'd appreciate it if people told me what they thought of me right away. I'd really like to know. I found out a couple of days ago that I was completely misunderstood by a person of the opposite sex and she kept it in her for about a year. Of course there is no excuse for my actions. It appears that I acted really badly around her. For this I'm sorry, cause I did not even notice it myself. I am grateful that she finally had the nerve to tell me, otherwise I would've never known.
I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the people I've hurt. (The list is long and I don't expect all of them to forgive me. But I'm working on it - I'm sorting out all the people I've hurt one way or another and begging for their forgiveness. I just hope it works. I do realize that a bigger portion of the people never will forgive me, but at least I'm doing something to recuperate for the damage I've made.)
On another note - I just found out that people are awfully mean, devious and mischievous. I try and live my life without interrupting too many people. But I do manage to get in the way of a few. I don't know what I've done wrong but I get punished for everything I do. I hate someone and his/her acquaintances make my life tough; I love someone and the same happens; I try and be out of someone's way - still the same thing happens. How? Why? Why has no one the courage to tell ME what they think? Why am I the last to know? Too many questions. I know.
Now, I've decided I will find all the answers I can. I want to know all (opposite to a certain Manuel, who apparently knows nooooothing about Witnit). And I will devote my life to finding out certain truths, so I could live with myself and with others. I'm sick of others (both male and female) and myself. I have to think very hard now, when I want to say something, because it might hurt someone. That has made me very careful with words. I don't believe I'll turn back to talking to people like I used to . . . not until I am certain of myself.
Sorry, it seems I have lost myself somewhere in the simplicity of life. I gotta find myself, excuse me.
It doesn't make any sense. When I try and be nice, I am crucified by the same people who I was nice to. A simple "don't act like that" would've been nice. I'd appreciate it if people told me what they thought of me right away. I'd really like to know. I found out a couple of days ago that I was completely misunderstood by a person of the opposite sex and she kept it in her for about a year. Of course there is no excuse for my actions. It appears that I acted really badly around her. For this I'm sorry, cause I did not even notice it myself. I am grateful that she finally had the nerve to tell me, otherwise I would've never known.
I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the people I've hurt. (The list is long and I don't expect all of them to forgive me. But I'm working on it - I'm sorting out all the people I've hurt one way or another and begging for their forgiveness. I just hope it works. I do realize that a bigger portion of the people never will forgive me, but at least I'm doing something to recuperate for the damage I've made.)
On another note - I just found out that people are awfully mean, devious and mischievous. I try and live my life without interrupting too many people. But I do manage to get in the way of a few. I don't know what I've done wrong but I get punished for everything I do. I hate someone and his/her acquaintances make my life tough; I love someone and the same happens; I try and be out of someone's way - still the same thing happens. How? Why? Why has no one the courage to tell ME what they think? Why am I the last to know? Too many questions. I know.
Now, I've decided I will find all the answers I can. I want to know all (opposite to a certain Manuel, who apparently knows nooooothing about Witnit). And I will devote my life to finding out certain truths, so I could live with myself and with others. I'm sick of others (both male and female) and myself. I have to think very hard now, when I want to say something, because it might hurt someone. That has made me very careful with words. I don't believe I'll turn back to talking to people like I used to . . . not until I am certain of myself.
Sorry, it seems I have lost myself somewhere in the simplicity of life. I gotta find myself, excuse me.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
People
I do not understand people. Especially the live ones. They seem to be daft beyond measurement (inc. myself).
How come I can't even make a simple harmless joke without people braking up, braking down or just simply braking themselves over the idea of my joke? I am a pervert, no doubt about it. But I can't say that to anyone - all of them start to disagree with me - even people I have known for merely minutes. I reduced a girl to tears with a joke, I made several people angry and I disappointed a few also . . . The only thing I'm yet to grasp is how to make people laugh with my jokes.
I'll go and practice a bit then.
How come I can't even make a simple harmless joke without people braking up, braking down or just simply braking themselves over the idea of my joke? I am a pervert, no doubt about it. But I can't say that to anyone - all of them start to disagree with me - even people I have known for merely minutes. I reduced a girl to tears with a joke, I made several people angry and I disappointed a few also . . . The only thing I'm yet to grasp is how to make people laugh with my jokes.
I'll go and practice a bit then.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I've been gone for some time now
The reason why I haven't written anything recently, is that I went back to school and I started to search within me the person I am. And I found it. The next is borrowed from George Carlin - the man I honor most - and hopefully describes me as well as it did him. So. . . and I quote:
"I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free, a diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state of the art, bi coastal multitasker and I can give you a Gigabyte in a Nano-second.
I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired heat seeking warmhearted cool customer - voice - activated and biodegradable. I interface in my database and my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.
Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curb, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed, no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart-bomb, a top-gun bottom feeder. I get power-ties, I tell power-lies, I take power-naps, I run victory-laps. I'm a totally ungoing big-foot slam dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging work-a-holic, a working rage-a-holic, out of rehab and in denial.
I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down, cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless - I'm an alpha-male on beta blockers. I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid back, but feshing forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high definition, fast-acting, oven ready and built to last.
I'm a hands-on foot-loose knee-jerk head-case, prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love-child who sends me hate-mail.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing, a supportive bonding nurturing primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk-mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and lactose intolerant.
I like rough sex, I like tough love. I use the f-word in my e-mail and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a micro-wave at a mini-mall, I bought a minivan at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite size, ready to wear and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been prewashed, precooked, preheated, prescreened, preapproved, prepackaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vaccuum packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.
I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal, lean and mean, cocked, locked and ready to rock, rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, whaling and winning. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the metal to the petal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hanging in - there ain't no doubt - and I'm hanging tough. Over and out. "
Thank you very much George. You have been the greatest of inspirations. Hope you don't mind.
"I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free, a diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state of the art, bi coastal multitasker and I can give you a Gigabyte in a Nano-second.
I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired heat seeking warmhearted cool customer - voice - activated and biodegradable. I interface in my database and my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.
Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curb, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed, no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart-bomb, a top-gun bottom feeder. I get power-ties, I tell power-lies, I take power-naps, I run victory-laps. I'm a totally ungoing big-foot slam dunk rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging work-a-holic, a working rage-a-holic, out of rehab and in denial.
I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down, cause I'm tireless and I'm wireless - I'm an alpha-male on beta blockers. I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid back, but feshing forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high definition, fast-acting, oven ready and built to last.
I'm a hands-on foot-loose knee-jerk head-case, prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love-child who sends me hate-mail.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing, a supportive bonding nurturing primary caregiver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk-mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and lactose intolerant.
I like rough sex, I like tough love. I use the f-word in my e-mail and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a micro-wave at a mini-mall, I bought a minivan at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite size, ready to wear and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been prewashed, precooked, preheated, prescreened, preapproved, prepackaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vaccuum packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.
I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal, lean and mean, cocked, locked and ready to rock, rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I've got glide in my stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, whaling and winning. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the metal to the petal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hanging in - there ain't no doubt - and I'm hanging tough. Over and out. "
Thank you very much George. You have been the greatest of inspirations. Hope you don't mind.
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