I've got N'Sync, Aerosmith and Britney . . . and I'm confused

"Here we are - born to be kings. We're the princes of the Universe." (Queen)

Still, what are we really - a complex compilation of even more complex systems . . . (like the self-replicating DNA etc). We are just beings looking for a place in this world. Some of us choose totally wrong careers - that's why we see so many angry people amongst ourselves: shop-keepers who despise their every client; taxi-drivers who despise their every client; police officers who despise their every "client". And then there are those, who read too much into things - get offended for a totally meaningless blog; those who see the world plainly in black and white; those who seem to find it totally absurd to even consider a meaningful argument. I reminds me of Carlos Mencia: "How retarded do you have to be to look at a dog and say: "Hey, that's me!!!"?.

We all come from different backgrounds, we all have different views, we all see the world and other people differently. As I have said - I don't consider myself superior nor inferior to any human being - I just am. Let's get this straight once and for all. I do not exalt myself above anyone. Nor do I berate myself. I do not think that I'm better than anyone and I refuse to believe that I'm not as good as everyone else. I just exist . . . We all have the same opportunities - we all start from scratch. (Robin Williams: "Some people are born great, some achieve greatness, some get it as a graduation gift!")
I disagree to some extent - Ok, some people acquire a certain position thanks to their parents. But to be a "great person" - that's a different thing altogether. Some say - genes make out what we are to become . . . nope - the person makes out what becomes of him/her. Who becomes a great person, is successful. Who does not - is not successful and has only himself to blame. The ones that do not achieve greatness, only find excuses - like me . . . (I always make the sort of excuses Carlos Mencia would murder me for: "If a black man can't get a job, the white men took it; when a woman can't get a job, the men with their evil penises of death took it etc.)

Only that I don't make excuses about my job, cause I don't work yet. But the idea remains the same.

OK, that post made no sense once again, so Helena can be happy about her again. (but one good day I will set fire to a house that carries a name "Alekand's house" on it). And to close this post off, I need to apologize to all the people I have hurt directly and indirectly with my posts. I apologize sincerely, for I never wanted to hurt anyone. And to let you all - 3 of you, right? - know, that from now on I might be posting only short and meaningless posts here with all my other posts will go to another, private blog, that only I can view (thanks to some angry "fan-mail" - it only confirmed my initial idea, that this blog is a waste of everyone else's time).

I know noone cares, but as my ideas are not accepted by others (although I knew that beforehand) I decided to not make matters worse by trying to change this blog or my views. I'll just move on to publishing my own views to only myself. It was great writing to you, guys - Merlin, Helena, Helena and Kristi. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time. Bye.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

I could've gone my whole life without knowing some things I do happen to know by accident. Like who fucked who at what time, who screwed (two possibilities here) who - where and when, who had a secret of some kind that noone knew about etc etc etc

What baffles me, is how people find me to be as a good listener. I hardly ever listen to a person very thoroughly - unless I like the person very much, of course. I usually have nothing to say to these people, nor can I sympathise with them (an obscure idea in itself, I know).

But all of that is just a little filler to move on to the next bit. Whenever talking to fellow humans . . . we talk in Estonian. I have some friends to talk to in English, as well . . . Now, I'm no linguist, but . . . I must agree with John Humphries - there is too much idiotic language around. We all know what the person tries to say even though they strangle and massacre the language which they are using. "From empty cliche to meaningless jargon, dangling participle to sentences without verbs, the English language is reeling. It is under attack from all sides. Politicians dupe us with deliberately evasive language. Bosses worry about impacting the bottom line while they think out of the box. Academics talk obscure mumbo jumbo. Journalists and broadcasters, who should know better, lazily collaborate. John Humphrys wittily and powerfully exposes the depths to which our beautiful language has sunk and offers many examples of the most common atrocities. He also dispenses some sensible guidance on how to use simple, clear and honest language. Above all, he shows us how to be on the alert for the widespread abuse - especially by politicians - and the power of the English language."

It applies to every language spoken. Now, I know that I'm no master of language - I use dumb phrases and repetitions and my spelling and grammar are at best woeful. I decided against trying to post a "reader's letter" to Postimees or any other online newspaper long ago. It's not like I have nothing to say, rather than I know noone wants to read my views or even publish them - I do not represent the public view. But when I do, when I do publish anything - even on this blog, I try my best to make it easily readable, understandable, and correct in any way - at least I try. When I mispronounce a word, I usually notice it. The same with mistyping - I try my best . . .

I only wish it applied to everyone - but it doesn't. How is it possible, I don't understand, to murder a language and not even think about the consequences? When I use bad and broken language at home - it's ok, as long as my kids never hear it. It is always acceptable, if you are the only one suffering from the bad language you use. But when others are affected by it - well, I just think that't wrong. I know there's no stopping the downfall - most of teachers are not capable of pouring wisdom into childrens' heads and that's how it's supposed to be. Kids should want to learn - but they don't - rather, they'd like to learn a language from a computer-game or a video-game or a cartoon or on the backs of Yu-Gi-Oh playing cards. So they learn all the angry expressions like "slay, defeat, murder, monster, hideous, deranged" and so on and so forth. And respect for teachers has undergone a major degression . . . It is exponentially harder to please kids as a teacher, especially when you are only 6-7 years older than your pupils (as most young, bright, talented, fresh-out-of-school teachers are). No respect whatsoever. And it gets worse with the school's level - in higher-rated schools the problem is there, but not that severe. Although, in schools with lower ratings, things are out of hand and there's no cure. The result is this - poor students create poor teachers, poor teachers mean poor teachings and poor teachings lead way to even poorer students. Unless there's a very direct, swift and accurate change in country's educational system, we'll be on a neverending escalator towards lowest achievements imaginible.

I can see you all now - closing your browser windows in outrage - that blog makes no sense - and I quite agree. All I can say, is that I am a very angry little man who feasts on other's happiness and misfortunes. I sometimes do stoop to the level on online commentators and I despise myself for that. But that's just who I am.

People...

As I have come to find out (besides the fact that I don't post very often), people are stupid, ignorant and deceitful. The best way to see that is to read comments on an article. People got furious over the fact that Liis Lass attended the President's reception. People are flustered and angry when a police officer gives a ticket to a person, who doesn't obey traffic-laws. They get mad over the fact that there are more succesluf people in the world. And so on and on and on and on and on. Why is that?

I thought (naively) that maybe it's because Estonian people are just angry and disappointed and jealous, so that they need to axpress their anger in their comments. But no - looking at foreign sites, I see even more anger, even greater accusations, even more bewildering jealousy. Even more so in sports. If a player, who plays for the national side (that seems to indicate that the person is very good at what one's doing), misses a penalty-kick or a free-throw or doesn't make a touchdown or fails to complete a homerun, people treat it as it was the end of days.

I have managed to keep myself away from posting any comments and some people seem to think that I have acted wrongly. No, I just keep my cool and try not to stoop to their (internet commentators's) level. Even if I post anything on a website . . . what good is going to come out of it? Is Ms Lass going to stop going to these kinds of events? Hardly. Are they going to let the player take the kick again? Never. Is the player going to quit his job as a professional player? Not in a million years. Are the police going to annulate their ticket? Nope.

Therefore I see no point. Yes, it's everybody's right to express their views. But how to make that view public and be civilised about it as well? There seems no way - as long as people still remain angry about it. There is maybe one comment in twenty that does not act foolhardy . . . One person always expresses their disappointment for the rest of the commentators. And I applaud these people.

Yes, I do get angry from time to time. Yes, I'd like to smash my glass against the wall when my favourite player takes a dive or misses the easiest shot ever. Yes, I am pissed off at politicians who seem to be unable to make a decent decision even if their life depended on it. And how do I feel about Ms Lass . . . well, outrage of course. But never, in my wildest dreams, would I think of going on a ramble on the Internet . . . lashing out senseless arguments that change nothing. Where's the fucking point? I have different outlets for my anger - the piano, sports, listening to music, debating in a fierce mood with my family or friends who either agree or disagree with me. I find that working out my anger like that - in a civilised conversation at home or in a pub - has more use to it and reaches more people than sitting at home, fiercely tapping away at your keyboard. (I do realize that what I'm doing right now contradicts everything I have said so far).

But seriously - how retarded do you have to be to say these kinds of things - "Man kills wife for cheating" (the title of the article) and comments - "good riddens" (never mind the grammar or spelling, most of them have never known that it's should have, not should of), or "I woulda done tha same thing" or "well done, mate" or "You aint' cheatin now, are you?:D:D:D" or "but I would of raped her before killing her to show her whos boss ;)" or "I still wait for the law of being able to kill the woman who cheats by throwing stones at her, publicly:)" . . . etc.

Now, my question . . . what goes through their mind when writing that? What are they trying to say? Are they, in their minds, making a funny joke? or in their minds stating an intelligent view? or simply speaking their mind? In any case it shows only their limited brain capacity in doing so. No way would they speak like that if confronted by a reporter in the middle of the street. One other thing I like to do - read forums . . . One especially nice one is the delfi Naistekas. Oh, you could spend hours there, reading really bad Estonian, feeling bad for the person who started the theme. Like - "my husband cheats" (title, followed by an article of one of the saddest stories ever) and the comments are all like ones I described earlier.

It all just makes me sad, that people can be so idiotic, ignorant and plainly cruel. I am disappointed in humans far too often nowadays. I know I sound very much naive right now, but I can't help it. It's just who I am.

Feminism . . . Equality . . .

Well, here I am . . . (DM)

Now I'm going to piss off almost all my readers . . . that's 2 out of 3 at the moment (since 1 is enjoying a nice well-deserved holiday in Canary Islands somewhere). Feminism . . . pretty good idea in my mind. Women should get equal treatment. But . . . they should not moan about it every now and then. If a woman wants to be paid the same amount of money men are paid, they should be able to get what they want. But only when they work the same amount of time, have same working-hours and have the same results.

Hypothetically - there is a job, that needs 30% wit and 70% strength and agility. Two people apply - a man and a woman. Man has to get at least 25 points out of 30 in the strength exam and 20 out of 30 in the intelligence exam. Woman has to get 20 for strength and 17-18 for intelligence. Man gets that needed 25 and 20 and woman gets that 20 and 20. Now, you're the employer - who do you choose? Both are eligible for the job. I would go for the man, won't you? If a man fails a test and a woman succeeds - ok, woman gets the job - even if the man has 30 out of 30 in the physical.

But here's the tricky part - women complain about being mistreated - they are not given the same opportunities as men. They also complain when they are preferred to a job even though a man is better suited. They say, that that describes them as inferior beings - that they somehow need to be treated softer. Which is it then? Are you protesting against not getting enough chances or being given too many chances (maybe unfairly, but still). I can't follow the logic. If I find that the woman can do the work better, of course I'm gonna hire her.
I have to pause here . . . more to come very soon.

I promised . . .

. . . to talk about my holiday. It's been a month now and things have finally settled down. I got exactly two gifts and I like both of them. I spent time with my relatives and we got along really nice. And the most positive of all is, that my sister managed to derail me only once.

All in all - I don't like Christmas . . . It's Christ's birthday - I don't believe in Christ. Why do I need to celebrate it? Why is it that people need an excuse to buy things . . . People spend money on worthless and pointless crap all year long and when Christmas arrives . . . well, people shop even more - but this time without feeling guilty . . . because "they are experiencing the joy of giving". What rubbish. Yeah, the joy of giving, the joy of giving idiotic things to idiots. I never ask anything for Christmas (because I don't want to celebrate it) and when my mom forces me to, I ask for something useful - something that I really need (not just want). I'd like to have an iPod Touch, iMac computer and my own flat and a car . . . but I don't need those objects - I got a sportsbag, which I needed, because I didn't have one . . . I got a book, because I like reading books. That's all I needed at the time. Whenever I need something else, I will go and buy that something. End of mystery . . . No, not really - people can't be reasonable . . . sadly . . .

An American supermarket had a Christmas sell - all the prices in half and 70% off and crap like that . . . (I know, I know: "but many people just wait till Christmas season and then purchase something they need (not as a present) at half a price. Ok, fair enough - though, do these people realize that they know there a sale and they buy shit without looking at the pricetag? No, they don't . . . the fact of the matter is - all the "70% off" bullshit is . . . well, bullshit. They have invented new, higher prices before the large sale to still rip you off. There might be some discount but mostly there is none.) And the first day, when people all tried to get into the supermarket at the same time to be the first to buy all the stupid shit they don't need, they trampled the young smiling lady, who opened the door to them, to death. Now that, I can tell you, is madness.

As human beings, we are sad, lonely and mad. Love doesn't exist, soulmates are non-existant and success is just an imagi converted in our mind by our subconscious need to better your mate.

"People spend money they don't have on things they don't need" - George Carlin. Never more so true than now - in the time of the so-called "credit-crunch". Everyone has a credit card which represents money they don't have . . . Everyone's house/apartment is filled with stuff they didn't need, want or like when they got home. "Consumption is the number one pastime in America. Forget baseball!" - again, Carlin... If you need refrigerator, go and buy a fridge . . . you need a stationary cupboard - go get one then. But I . . . I have slept on a mattress for two years now - everybody keeps telling me how I need a bed. You see - I don't even want a thing I need. (even though I might have the resources needed to buy what I need). I'm not a cheap-skape, but I know that I can get on without . . . pretty much everything. I don't like spending money (especially on clothes). The only things I do believe that money is worth spending on are books and love. Books contain vital pieces of information needed to survive in this wacky world of ours. And love - well, you need some way of reproducing, don't you? Family is always an important area of money-spending - the more you pour in, the more comes out of it. The future is in the hands of our children - let's create the means to capitalise on that chance. (even though I never plan on having any children - I'm controversial and a hypocrite, I know).

Last, but not least - what's so special about the changing of a number? If the numbers make out 12:00 am it's midnight - they were just a second ago 11:59(:59) . . . they changed into 12:00 . . . Nothing special - happens every day. But if 1999 turns into 2000 there are billions of people partying their asses off and drinking - just because they are able to buy a new calendar. (Nobody seems bothered by the fact that every year within the confines of the New Years celebrations many people die in the same way the poor girl did, who tried to be nice and open the door to let in thousands of people who didn't have anything of their own, so they needed to buy somehing because things were running out very quickly (it doesn't matter to them that if they bought the toaster a week before, they might have gotten it cheaper and the selection would have been a lot bigger and better).).

Why is the number so important? Cause many people still truly believe that a new year is going to change the way they act - new beginning, new opportunity. "I'm gonna be nicer to people and finally ask my girlfriend to marry me and stop smoking" is just one of cliché's you'll hear every first of January. The fact of the matter is - nothing is going to change, just because the number of the year changed. It's all down to human emotions - new gives hope, newer is better, newer is always much more in. In truth, the only things that a new year provides, are a new calendar, a new fashion-trend and a bunch of year-related accsessories (comp.games, note-pads, mobiles, all kind of other "hobnob"). Of course you cannot continue with your daily-planner if the year is 2009 and your planner is according to the 2008 calendar - that's normal. But pretending that the changing of the year can change you - is utter idiocracy. "I'm gonna quit smoking!" Very noble of you. How about making the decision when you first came to think it? I have made promises like that - I have quit smoking for about a million times . . . Some times were even related to the New Year. No, I couldn't do it. It's not because the year just wasn't good for me . . . It was because the promise was made in an euphoric state related to New Years' celebrations - but the next day I saw that the grass was still as green on 1st of January as it was on the 31st of December. And it was because I'm a spineless worm . . . New year did not make me any stronger in that matter.

Wow - this post really sucks. I hope you all (all 4 yes) comment on it and disagree it in every way - I know I left tons of places that are open for discussion).

Fire away.

Let's see here, now.

I finally made it . . . I took a pencil and wrote down some words . . . Then another accomplishment - I managed to scribble down some notes in my notebook . . . meaning I kinda created a tune for these words. I rejoyced for about 15 minutes, but when I played the whole thing to myself, it didn't sound like a song, it didn't sound like anything more than a screwed up attempt to show myself in better light! So there is work to do. (I never thought that writing a tune for a song about 3 sentences in lenght, would take up three quarters of an hour.)

Anyways, things are warming up - no, the weather is still crap - and I'm soon out of ideas. School ends very very shortly - one might say school is almost over. That's frightening because it means I have yet another school to enter, devour, puke up and disappoint in. We'll see - that's still to come. On another note - relationships . . . with family - so and so, friend - pretty ok, women - . . . (no words - can't think of any), myself - total anarchy and chaos. All in all - all seems fine and dandy.

Although I find myself drawn to BB in these troubled times - "all the happy couples who would mock me with their merry laughter, hahahaaaa!" (but then you came . . . and my world was turned upside down)

I know I'm making no sense at all - the text is all messed up and tangled up and no logical order is to be found here and I'm sorry for that. The thing is I'm having one of these streams of conciousness where I can't help it - I just write down everything I think of.

That's all from me today, I'm gonna go and dress inside out and upside down.

Finally

So, it's been two weeks since I posted anything. Let's get rolling with new speed in the New Year. It has come to my attention, that somewhere around the time when I didn't post anything, Christmas has come and gone, New Year has arrived and the Christmas decorations have outlasted them all.

Now, what was I gonna say? Quickly now, I can't do everything around here. Yes, it seems I've entered a dimension of dunno. Like Fran in Black Books. A big cloud of dunno. Soon, school will end. Relationships are getting much harder to sort out. My own personal state has become uncertain yet again and things are not going according to plan. We'll see, how it all works out, but I have a sneaking suspicion, that the end result will not be very favorable to me.

Anyways - soon to follow - my holiday festive, my personal life and a bit of the humor that has lead me through life so far. Soon.